I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
