You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
