and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
