I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
3pm strippers are depressing
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
