I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
