i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize