We're facebook friends in real life
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We don't watch enough power rangers
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
