She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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