Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm having to shit out rocks
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
