Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
