Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
