Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
