i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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