I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
