So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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