just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
