I wannas sexs uuuuu
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
