when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
