thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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