Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize