You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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