Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
