using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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