Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
