i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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