I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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