This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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