He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
