You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
