he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
