i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
