i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
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Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
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You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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