fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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