And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
