Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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