Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
