My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
