if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
