normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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