how can u be prego again
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
