I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Bring me that man meat
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
