I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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