That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
