I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
