I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
