Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
