Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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