my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
