so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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