apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it's like iHOP with fire
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize