im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
where does the pee come out of this thing
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
