eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
