my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
