i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
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I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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