i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
