Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
