i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
