this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
