I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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