$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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