forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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