How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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