we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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