College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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