I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
