dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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