Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
