I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
