I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He better not be in your backpack
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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