I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
