Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
