I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You left your phone here
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