yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
