Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
