I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
