There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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