i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
