running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
