I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
