You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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